Before the Storm
by WolfGirl1618
Summary: My first multi-chapter story! Beginning of Eclipse. Bella has everything she wants. So why isn't she happy?
1. Chapter 1

**Before the Storm**

It was hard to explain the ache I felt now. It wasn't a tear in my chest this time; it was a tightness in my throat that just wouldn't go away, no matter how wonderful I felt in Edward's arms.

I wasn't whole anymore. I loved Edward desperately, exactly as I had before. And yet, he wasn't the only one in my heart now. I went through my days in a blur of breathtaking, cold kisses and Edward's gentle touch, but my nights were filled with dreams of soft dark eyes and a beautiful sunny smile.

I read Jacob's letter again and again whenever I was alone. Each time, I hated myself more and more. What kind of a monster was I, to do this to someone who had loved and taken care of me the way he had? He had kept me alive; kept me from falling apart completely, and I had abandoned him as surely as if I had died on the cliffs that day.

"_It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore--"_

My eyes stung with bitter tears as they fell on the words that had revealed the worst of Jacob's pain. What had I done?

I only knew one thing for certain: I had to see him. I made the decision in a split second, and I knew I had only moments to act. I was out the door and running to my truck before I had a chance to talk myself out of it.

I turned the key in the ignition with shaking hands, trying not to think about what would happen if I was caught. I drove as fast as I could toward the border line, laughing a bit hysterically at the thought of being pulled over by Charlie.

I parked my truck a few blocks away from Jacob's house and walked the remaining distance, knowing that the roar of my truck could very well send Jacob tearing into the woods in the opposite direction. I felt my throat tighten all over again knowing that this was what we had come to. Could there be any way to repair the damage I had caused?

My fingernails dug painfully into my palms as I made my way to the garage where I knew he would be. What on earth was I going to say to him?

When I did see him, my throat stopped up completely. He was bent over the open hood of the Rabbit, his hands sure and steady as he effortlessly fixed whatever was wrong. Looking at him there, it felt like no time had passed. It was almost easy to convince myself that when he turned around and saw me, he would greet me with that easy smile of his, piecing me back together just like he always had.

When he did turn around, the coldness of his eyes cut me to the core. I didn't feel steady on my feet as I took in the remote look on his face. I tried to unclench my jaw as I struggled to say something, anything to break the awful silence.

"I had to see you," was all I could manage. My voice was so hoarse I barely recognized it. I saw his hand tighten around the wrench he was holding.

"Why, Bells?" he replied in a softer tone than I had been expecting. "I thought you had everything you wanted now." He punctuated this with a bitter laugh that I felt like a rip across my flesh.

"You know that's not true, Jake," I whispered. "How can I be happy when I know you're hurting?"

"Well, you seem to have been getting along just fine without me," he spat. "I don't need a pity visit, Bella."

"Jacob, stop it!" I found myself yelling. "That's not what this is. I hate being without you. Why can't we go back to the way things were?"

He was in my face before I could blink. I found myself shocked all over again at how fast he could move.

"Because they can't, Bella! You're with the enemy now! You've turned your back on all of us, not just me. You can't possibly expect for things to be like they were before those _leeches_ came back. Nothing can ever be the same."

I felt tears sting my eyes again at the pain I could see hidden behind the anger. I somehow knew that the only way I could fix this was to tell the whole truth.

"Jake, I'm not whole when you're not with me," I said, my voice breaking. In some way, those words felt more real than anything I'd ever said. As soon as they left my mouth, the fury fell away from Jacob's face, leaving it more beautifully raw than I had ever seen it. The feeling I saw in his eyes sent a shiver down my spine.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had closed the distance between us and I was kissing him, hungrily, frantically, as if I'd been starving for it this whole time. It was only a second before I felt his hands slide up my back, around my waist, holding me against him as if he'd found something precious.

One of his hands slid into my hair, those warm fingers caressing my temple with such tenderness that I felt like weeping. Then suddenly in this almost painful rush of sensation, I realized exactly what I was doing. I tore myself away from his mouth with a gasp, clutching at the collar of my shirt as the full weight of it hit me. I did the only thing I could do: I turned and ran.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

No matter how far I got from La Push and from Jacob, I could still feel him. I felt the burning of his hands on my back, the urgency in his kiss. Yet the most staggering thing was the intensity of the emotion it had brought out of me. In that moment, in Jacob's arms, I had wanted to be nowhere else.

How had this happened? When had I started feeling this way about Jacob? I felt disoriented, utterly thrown off balance. The most burning question was how had I not noticed it sooner?

I felt the seat vibrating under me and I realized I was shaking violently. I pulled over and tried to get my bearings. Edward's face flashed through my mind and I had to choke back a frantic sob. What--_what_--was I going to say to him? Would he force me to choose? The tears I'd been holding back started falling at the thought of living without him again. It wasn't even a possibility. If he left again now, it would really kill me.

I had to tell him the truth. I would beg for forgiveness if I had to. I would not lose him a second time.

I could tell by the look in Edward's eyes when I got back that he knew where I had been. He was sitting on my bed, but he jumped up as soon as he saw me.

"Bella, what happened?" he demanded, clutching at me anxiously. "Alice saw your future disappear about an hour ago and I ran right over here. You were already gone. Bella, please tell me what's wrong!"

A glance at the mirror behind him told me why he was so frantic. I was white as a sheet, and the panic on my face was immediately obvious.

"Edward, I--" I tried to continue, but it felt like something was blocking my throat. All I could manage was a strangled noise that only upset him further. He helped me onto the bed, holding me as if I would break. When I looked at him again, his eyes were filled with a rage that frightened me.

"What did he do to you?" he asked, his voice shaking with fury.

I was so shocked I couldn't speak for a moment.

"Edward, Jacob didn't hurt me," I finally managed. "It was something…I did. I can't believe I--" My words were cut off again by the tears that rose in my throat.

Edward looked slightly calmer now, and he let his hands drop from my sides.

"What happened, Bella? You have to tell me everything."

I took a shaky breath before I began, silently praying that I what I was about to say wouldn't ruin my life by taking him out of it.

"I went to see Jacob. I was worried about what Billy said, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. He was so different when I got there; he was like a stranger. I just wanted him to forgive me, so we could be friends like we were before. We started arguing, and…before I knew what was happening, I kissed him."

I cautiously turned a fraction of an inch towards him, and the pain on his face cut off my breathing. Suddenly the panic was back in full force.

"Edward, I'm so sorry! I don't even know why I did it, I wasn't thinking. It was like I wasn't in control of myself. Edward, please forgive me!"

"It's all right, love," he said, taking my face in his hands. "I can't say I didn't expect this to happen. Jacob was an important part of your life when I was gone. It's understandable that you would have feelings for him. I only want you to be happy."

"I love you, Edward," I whispered. "Please, don't go. I couldn't bear it if you left me again. I'll do whatever it takes to make you stay with me."

Edward sighed and cradled my head in the crook of his neck. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him.

"If it's what you really want, then I'll stay," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

"Yes," I breathed, relief flooding through my entire body. "I've never wanted anything more. And I won't see Jacob anymore, I promise."

Edward didn't answer, just caressed my cheek and rocked me soothingly in his arms.

At the sound of the doorbell, he stiffened. He gently set me at arm's length.

"I think it's for you, Bella," he said gravely. "I'll wait here." He pressed his lips against my forehead before I got up and headed for the door.

My heart stopped when I saw who was behind it.

"Hey, Bells," said a familiar, husky voice. "I think we need to talk."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I own nothing. And I'm really excited about writing this fic! Feedback is my air and sun. So please review!

"Why don't we take a walk?" he suggested, ending the unspeakably awkward silence.

"Okay," I replied blankly before following him onto the front walk. How could he be so calm? The expression on his face, the long, casual strides of his legs, the utter relaxation of his posture was almost comical next to the tension radiating through my body. Already it felt like I needed to be touching him. What was wrong with me?

It was only after we were far enough away from the house to be out of Edward's earshot that Jacob spoke again, and the words out of his mouth were not the ones I was expecting.

"I think we should try being friends again, Bella," he said, turning slightly to look at me.

His face was completely serious, giving nothing away. I spluttered for a moment before I was able to respond.

"But Jacob, we--we kissed! I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big deal!"

His face softened into a smile. He brushed a lock of hair out of my face, then took a cautious step back.

"I know, Bells. But I also know that if I do anything about that, you'll have to choose between me and him. And I know who you'd pick. I just want you back in my life, any way I can have you. So I'll make it simple. We'll be friends."

He held up both hands in a joking gesture of surrender. "I'll be a good boy, I promise," he said, smirking slightly. I couldn't help smiling back. I also couldn't help the sudden feeling of…what? Disappointment? I pushed the thought away before I could consider it too carefully. That would only lead to more trouble.

"Okay, Jake. That sounds perfect." I moved forward slightly, then hesitated. "Can I hug you?" I asked, trying to approximate a teasing tone of voice. His answering grin brightened my mood instantly. It had been too long since I'd seen that smile.

He pulled me into his warm embrace, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sense of peace and safety I always felt when I was near him. Too soon, he released me and started making his way back toward his car.

"Come to La Push soon, Bells," he called over his shoulder. "We've all missed you."

I responded with a wave. I couldn't make any promises until I'd talked to Edward.

He was still on my bed when I returned to my room. He sat up when I came through the door, looking anxious but trying to hide it. I smiled, trying to reassure him.

"Everything's okay now," I began, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Jacob is fine with just being friends. I know I said I wouldn't see him anymore, but now that I know what his intentions are, I think we can work it out. That's what he wants."

Edward withdrew slightly, looking doubtful.

"And you? What do you want, Bella?"

There was such worry in those words that I felt my own sense of uncertainty returning. I took his hand in mine, stroking my thumb against his.

"You don't have to be concerned, Edward. That kiss was a mistake. It won't happen again, I promise. I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone, or ever will. It's true, Jake is an important part of my life. But Edward, you _are_ my life. I won't lose you again."

Edward ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me, more ardently than usual. Yet even in the bliss of that moment, I couldn't help remembering how warm Jacob's lips had been; how they had eagerly moved against mine. I wrapped my fingers around Edward's shirt and pulled him closer, trying to drown those memories out. But as usual, he pushed me gently away before it could get too far, and the guilt and unwanted recollections remained. I turned my head into his neck to hide my face.

"Did you make any plans to see him?" Edward asked, seeming reassured for the moment.

"Not specifically," I replied, curling myself around him again. "He did ask me to come up there soon, but we didn't make a date or anything."

I regretted those words as soon as I had spoken them, but Edward didn't seem to notice.

"You should go," he said, taking hold of my chin gently and turning my face up towards his. "I know you've missed seeing him, and your other friends up there. I'll make plans to go hunting with Alice. You know how it frustrates her not being able to see the wolves. This will be a good distraction." He gave me my favorite crooked smile, and it only compounded my shame. I smiled back, putting as much brightness into it as I could, but I had to turn away quickly.

Jacob and Edward both seemed so sure that we could just be friends. So why wasn't I?


End file.
